yesterday was the one month anniversary of grammy's death. another powerline came down, the only two in the entire time living on this street, and they happen exactly one month appart... dad says it's gram reminding us that she's still around and not to forget her. I almost missed work because of it, but they cleared it out just in time. I love my job except for two things: My boss, Heather, is a bitch over stupid stuff. and I have to take my nosering out for work... and i work long shifts, and even though i've had it for about a year, it's still not completely healed, and so, it started to cause an infection, and no there is no more nose ring. this is dumb, i know. to be upset over a tiny ball of metal, but... It made me feel pretty. Like it somehow added something special to my otherwise plain-jane features. It was something small that didnt matter to anyone else, but it made ME feel good. and not alot does that. I dont have a boyfriend or even many friends around to hang out with and make me feel wanted. all my friends are off at college, or have fiance's to attend to or just plain dont have time for anything. So all i have are the little things that make me happy and come from me. I havent writen anything in my private journals since gram died. I havent talked to my family about anything that matters since just after. I'm not depressed. I have a great job, and things to do. I'm just... lonely. everyone has someone. it seems like everyone comes in pairs: renee and mike, sunshine and fred, sunshine and renee, fred and mike, dennis and ivy, jaci and tim, beth and justin, erika and jesse, christine and matt, bobby and dave, eddie and lisa, Adam and Dom... Me and my fucking teddybear. Maybe this is Karma. maybe i deserve it. I dont know. but i still dont like it. my sisters and brothers were all married at my age, with the exception of sunshine, who is still dating her highschool sweet heart anyway. "god has a plan." yea well, I have plans too, and i'm sick of them being on hold for someone i dont even believe in. i'm sick of being alone. and i'm sick of being a makeout whore just because i'm sick of being alone. it's all just getting to be rediculous. I miss dave, drew, nate, Hell, I miss mark and zach... but i'm sick of being alone. and i'm sick of feeling the way i feel right now.