They say the word all the time. Like it is nothing. Like it dosen't pull up a million memories, a thousand smiles, a thosand tears. It's not something you can make them stop. it happens, almost accidently, almost on purpose. it happens no matter what, and there is nothing i can do. I cannot delete this word from the dictionary. I cannot take it out of books and movies and history.

All i can do is listen to it. and all the things that happen to it. all the sweet wonderful things that it expirences and feels and does and shares... and all the things you relate it to. for me. without knowing how much it kills me to hear.

and I try to pretend like i'm not the one who fucked it up. and like i'm happy where i am. like everythign is going to be ok. like someday the word wont still rip me appart and make me empty every time i hear it... see it... feel it. I can say i never cared. I can say it never ment anything to me, that I'm frivolous and carefree. I can smile. I can laugh and hug and play. and i will. and you will never know what word it is that hurts me.